How to Build a Mentally Tough Kid (Without Crushing Their Spirit)

I got a question on one of my recent posts that I think is one of the most important, and toughest, that a parent in this sport can ask. After seeing the progress my own boys have made, a father asked me this:

"How did you deal with the emotional 6-7 year old stage... Like battle the cold hard truth of what it takes vs trying not to discourage and keep the love for the game... I’m more of the tough love style of parent and I’m trying to lightly walk that line as he grows."

This is a phenomenal question. It gets to the heart of the matter. How do we forge a resilient, tough, capable young athlete without just breaking them? How do we instill the discipline and mindset of a champion without making them hate the sport?

I don't have a magic, one-size-fits-all answer. But I can tell you exactly what we did in our family, and it comes down to a few core principles.

1. The Standard is the Standard (They Knew No Other Way)

This is the first and maybe the most crucial piece. My boys grew up in an environment where disciplined, hard work was just... normal. It wasn't something we turned on for wrestling season; it was the air we breathed.

They saw me train, hard, five days a week since the day they were born. I won a National Championship in CrossFit when they were about six years old. They didn't see it as a chore I had to do; they saw it as a part of who I am, a part of what our family values.

There was never a big, dramatic speech about "it's time to get tough." They simply grew up knowing that this is what Whitteds do. We show up, we do the work, and we do it to the best of our ability. The standard was set by action, long before it was ever set by words.

2. Teach the "Why" Relentlessly

I have preached to my boys, from the time they could understand, one core message: We strive to be the best we can be, physically and mentally.

But I didn't just say the words. I have always tried to explain to them, as deeply as they could grasp at their age, what that actually means and why it matters.

The wrestling matches are the test. The wins are fun, tell you what you did right with your training and your performance. The losses tell you what you did wrong. Then we get back to work building a body that is capable and resilient. Forging a mind that doesn't quit when things get hard, building strong character. Understanding that the discipline and toughness you learn in the gym and on the mat are the same tools you'll use to be a great husband, a great father, and a great leader someday.

When a kid understands the "why"—that this hard work is forging them into a better human being—they are much more willing to endure the "how."

3. The Blessing of a United Front (The Role of Their Mother)

I have to be completely honest here. None of this would have worked without my wife. She has been a blessing because she has always allowed me to turn our boys into men.

She doesn't shelter them from the hard truths. She doesn't rush in to rescue them from every struggle. When they come to her after a tough practice or a tough loss, she supports and loves them, but she also reinforces the standard. She is not an obstacle to their growth; she is my most important partner in it.

When Mom and Dad are on the same page, with the same core values about work, resilience, and character, the message becomes unbreakable. The child feels the stability of that united front and understands that this is our family's path.

Proverbs 22:6 - The Blueprint

There's a Bible verse that I think about a lot in this context:

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." - Proverbs 22:6

Notice the word: "Train." It doesn't say "suggest" or "hope" or "protect." It says to train them. That's an active, deliberate process.

You are setting the path. You are showing them, through your own actions and your consistent message, what is normal. For my boys, the normal was showing up, doing the work, and understanding the deep purpose behind it all. Because of that, we didn't have as many of those emotional battles over "what it takes," because "what it takes" was simply the way our family operated.

So, to that father, I say this: You're right to walk that line. But the best way to do it is to live the standard yourself, constantly teach the "why" behind the standard, and make sure you and your wife are walking that path together.

When you do that, "tough love" just becomes... love.

This is the mindset we strive to build in the Champion's Circle. It’s about building the whole athlete, mind and body, on a foundation of proven principles and hard work.

JOIN THE CHAMPION'S CIRCLE AND GET THE DAILY BLUEPRINT.

Coach Dane Whitted
Champion's Path